Losing Yourself
by DelveIntoDarkness
Summary: The pain of dealing with Yuuki loving Kaname deemed to be too hard on Zero. How could he ever live in a world where everything he loved was taken from him? Warning: contains spoilers


The very sight of her with him was absolutely repulsing. The way he caressed her face, and the way he held onto her. She leaned into him with her eyes closed, entrusting him with everything she had. It made Zero want to vomit. It was a sight he couldn't stand to see, yet he couldn't look away. Where had he gone wrong? He had done everything to protect her and given every reason for her to love him, yet he was always tossed aside, as if taken for granted. Never appreciated the way _he_ was – Kaname Kuran. He had set standards for himself higher than what Zero could compete with. He couldn't possibly come to compare with the level Kaname was on in Yuuki's eyes. Zero was just another person; just someone she had lived with for years. There was nothing more to it.

Zero peeled his eyes off of the two, staring at the ground instead. His heart ached, the pain running all through his chest and throughout his entire being. Gently, he raised a hand to his face, covering it. The white haired vampire closed his amethyst colored eyes, images of Yuuki flashing through his mind. They were always soiled with Kaname's face, though. Even in his own mind he couldn't escape the horrors of the man who had stolen Yuuki from right underneath him. There was nothing he wouldn't give to end his life. A short laugh escaped Zero's lips. Like he could end Kaname's life. How would he be able to? He could never have the strength, nor could he bare to face Yuuki after destroying the one she loved. Kaname. She loved him. Not Zero. He wasn't enough for her.

Zero slid down the stone wall, his knees hovering up with his arms draped across them. The agony in his heart seemed to grow, the pain becoming more real. The thought of not being able to do anything to get Yuuki back was enough to make him feel absolutely worthless. What was he good for anymore? His parents were dead. He had killed his own brother. Yuuki couldn't be his anymore; she was a pure blood vampire. She wasn't even Yuuki anymore. He had no reason to try and protect her anymore. His one reason to live, the only one he had been capable of loving after loosing his family, was taken from him, and there was no way to get her back.

A pained sob broke through Zero. Frustration and pain shattered his emotionless complexion. His body shook intensely, his eyes tightly closed.

"Shut up!" He yelled at himself, though the thoughts kept coming. How could he let her go? How could he have let her be turned into a vampire; the very thing he despised, and the very thing he swore to never let happen to her. He had no control over it, and he never would. There was no way it could be fixed.

In a swift movement, Zero reached back to the Bloody Rose he had slipped into the back of his pants. The metal clanked against his hand as he gripped it and pulled it from his pants, bringing it out in front of him. He had made Yuuki promise him to kill him one day if he should loose control. He felt that way now, though his thirst for blood was not the reason – that seemed to be a minor issue right now. He was afraid of what he would do. Hatred ran through him, for Kaname. He wanted to kill him, but he knew he couldn't. Zero was going to loose control, but Yuuki wouldn't be here to stop him.

Yuuki made Zero promise that he wouldn't give up on his life. No matter what, he wouldn't. But Yuuki wasn't here to see him give up. Even if she was, would she care?

Zero pulled back the hammer on the gun, making a small clicking noise. His hand shook, though his grip on the gun was strong. He had taken the life of many vampires with the gun. Never did he think he would use it to kill a very certain vampire, one that was going to break a promise he made, and a promise he made Yuuki agree to.

Zero lifted to gun, though instead of pointing it in front of him as he had hundreds of times before, he tilted it so it was against his head. The cold metal against his skull seemed to help the throbbing pain he felt in his head, though did little to help the throbbing pain he felt in his heart; the very pain that ached to have Yuuki in his arms. That was all he asked; just to be able to hold her again, or just to be able to see her as her old self again. It was just that simple request he wanted. So simple, yet incredibly impossible.

It was the very pain that drove him to insanity.

Zero tensed, his finger pulling slightly against the small trigger of the gun. His body shook worse than it had before. Tears spilled from his eyes, running down his cheeks and dripping onto the stone he sat on. They reminded him of everything he had had in his life, and everything he had lost. Lost. He had lost everything. There was nothing for him anymore. The only thing that could give him any comfort was the thought of the bullet flying through his skull and ending his miserable life. He couldn't live for his brother anymore. They were born as one, and they would die as one. Right here. Maybe that was how it was meant to be in the first place.

Maybe it was meant to end with Yuuki happy with Kaname, and Zero left to suffer as he watched.

He deserved it after all.

He had lived his life just to have it end at this moment.

And it was his fault from the start.

_Please don't forget about me, Yuuki_.

Zero pulled the trigger.


End file.
